something in this world of orange sunsets
i tell him we’d go to the playground with torches
scramble onto the climbing frame like royalty
sparkle the night air with our staccato laughter
i’d look up and see stars i had never noticed before
gorge ourselves on mandarins because mum bought too many
//
we’d compare hand sizes
our fingers sticky with mandarin juice
//
before i realise that’s my heart you’re holding in your cupped hands
//
your digging nails leave marks on my soft flesh
peeling my layers like a flower
carving me open bleeding orange through the snow white
until the naked mandarin is pulp
until the hug is meaningless
//
there’s satsuma blood dripping down our fingers
//
wash you off like those clipped replies and full-stopped sentences
it burns it burns
the citrus leaves behind a million angry little papercuts
every silence is another rejection
//
unpin your playlists
//
my blood is yakisoba orange instant noodle soup
my heart’s bleeding instagram
refresh refresh give me something interesting, damnit
make me laugh make me feel something in this world of orange sunsets
//
don’t mind me i just
need another dose of that
dopamine like popping candy in my brain
//
take me back to april
so i can put my hand in yours again
like trying to stuff a dead butterfly back into its cocoon
screw the curse of past memories
//
mum hands me a peeled mandarin
she tells me
the sun creeps up one more minute a day.
Hanxi (Cicy) Chen
Year 12
St Andrew’s College
