But i wish / .

my parents are not from here / they say / c-h-i-n-a 中国
/ zhōng guó / i understand /
i am New Zealander, but i am not / i do not understand

last week i learnt the word water
—––—–don’t know what ‘different’ means yet / sometimes i feel it
/ kids at school say my lunch box smells weird /

//sometimes I think that too

but my parents tell me not to listen /
just work hard / they say
it is a better life here / not to waste.

come middle school / i’m doing well
/ but ask me about your favourite tv show / song on the radio /
i don’t know that stuff / makes me different

i started forcing my mum to make me sandwiches /
/ ham and cheese /boring / but normal
and i listened to a ‘beetle’s’ song /

//don’t know the hype

i find it strange / that i have! to know the spice girls
/ and how do you not know what a pavlova is?? /
but you do not even know / how to say my last name. / 熊 / no / it’s not that funny.

Now you are surprised / because I speak ‘impeccable english!’
/ And I must be just naturally good at maths /
I know many words now / serendipity / different / microaggression /

Now you fake tan / for the skin I wear
/ the same skin / you made fun of /
Draw eyeliner for / the slender cat eye

//the irony almost gets me

Now I miss my mother’s food / I will learn to cook my cuisine
/ I think it’s cool that I can say 我懂两种语言 / I am / stronger /

But I wish / I didn’t have to be.

Chantelle Xiong
Year 13
St Andrew’s College, Christchurch