Blue – Louie Feltham

By August 17, 2022 August 22nd, 2022 2022 runner up


How do you define a man?
dig through skin to find a heart and call it blue
grasp my frail hands in yours
and snap my fingers

scatter the bones over your garden
———————————__——-to feed the shrubbery
gluttonous greed grows quickly
a need for more
you will take it
without looking back
and I will let your vines envelope the old me
until all I have left are nameplates
————————————————chucked under beds
———————————————-___—-collecting dust

I am my old sweater on my chair
the one I wear to hide my chest
cover my scars in hopes of lifting my shirt to find a blank canvas
———————————————-___————a glimpse of what I could be

let the colour spill down my neck
and fill the crevices
with something beautiful that you would like
a mother’s shaky hand greeting her new found son
the sob of a despaired drag queen
————————————————punctured skin illuminated by street lamps
eyes crinkled in delight to be wearing my own skin

but I don’t dare to look
———————————————————————-I don’t want to

the only blue you see
is my bruised flesh
pinched and manipulated
to the figure that stands here
a shadow
of masculinity
the failed experiment of a rebellion

you pull out a camera and I touch my face
willing to mould it to your vision
—————————————————–compressed to your brand of trans
surrendering would be a sigh of relief

to accept
the stamp of womanhood

purchase my period products
crinkling plastic of blooms and blush
———————————————————————-and think yes,
—————————————————————————this is me

linger between the gates of heaven and hell
tainted blue and pink doors

scrutinise each curl
how it folds

fear holds the question in my throat
———————————————-___————Is it enough for you?

Louie Feltham
Year 12
Samuel Marsden Collegiate School

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